Rosalind Margulies is a New Jersey-born, PNW-based author with work in 

, and elsewhere. You can find her on twitter @rothalind, or on her website, rosalindmargulies.com.

Rosalind Margulies

saturday morning i wake in county jail w/ profound sense having been victim of a ferocious injustice. body cam footage soon reveals said sense was misplaced; for future reference, 9 Long Island iced teas too many on new meds. long story short: got in verbal fight w/ bartender bc he wouldn’t play new Kanye album; he told me to leave; i refused to do so; argument escalated; police came; detained me; put me in squad car wherein i told Hinge date i loved her. i (White) then accused officer (also White) of being racist (likely statistically true tho not applicable to situation). in the end got booked for drunk & disorderly + trespass & forced to stay in jail over weekend bc i told arresting officers that the second they let me go i would swim to Mexico & they would never see me again, ie intent to flee. today (monday) see judge who gives me $1000 bond & sets next court date for thursday

embarrassing affair overall, best to try & put out of my mind

i pay bond leaving $13.06 in bank account & use mom’s credit card to Uber to grandpa’s. check Hinge (date unmatched me), Instagram, texts, etc. one good part of weekend in jail was that i was prohibited access to phone meaning i could not text psychiatrist to ask for more Xanax thereby making me look like i don’t really care if i can get more Xanax & paradoxically increasing my chances of getting more Xanax. text psychiatrist asking for more Xanax. view texts from mom, sister Aneka, but do not respond. arrive back at Shady Acres 4:37 pm; thank but do not tip driver. take meds & 2 Adderall & spent several hours on Instagram Reels watching videos of monkeys, car crashes. following this jack off several times

while walking to fridge for snack, spot vacuum i borrowed from Grabels' several weeks ago on day i took a lot of Adderall & decided i should deep clean house (did not deep clean house, instead planned cross country road trip then made starcrossed sourdough starter). was supposed to return vacuum; oops. bad for me to be on Grabels’ bad side right now. i wrap vacuum cord around vacuum handle & fireman carry to Grabels' house on other side of development. Mr. Grabel answers door, looks me up & down, takes vacuum, then calls for wife, who appears

So nice to see you! says Mrs. Grabel. Grabels' cat, Baby Doll, emerges, greets me, does figure 8s around my legs, lets me pet her. blue-eyed white ragdoll, pink collar, nauseatingly cute, type of cat you’d see on calendar sitting in basket perhaps surrounded by yarn balls or similarly kitschy cat accouterments. Were you away over the weekend? Mrs. Grabel asks. We stopped by yesterday and the day before but you weren’t home

Oh yeah, i say. Took a little vacation (lie), needed a little change of scenery. Been a bit down lately (true), you know how it is 

Oh, no. Oh, of course I understand, you poor boy. That reminds me, I have something for you. she walks away

So how’s Baby Doll settling in? i ask. (Grabels' got her two weeks ago)

Mrs. Grabel is back again, now holding tinfoil covered dish. We had family over for Labor Day and I made too much brisket so I thought I’d share some vittles

Ha ha ha well then isn’t that just perfect! My granddaughter Rose helped make it, have you met Rose? You two would get along so well, you both went to UF, did you know that?

Oh no I didn’t! (author’s note: technically did go to UF tho for only 1.5 semesters, left following Incident, doubt Mrs. Grabel aware of this, no need to make her aware)

I will! And you know she’s a very pretty girl too

Well I’m sure we’ve taken up enough of your time. (Mr. Grabel, interjecting) You’re a very busy young man I’m sure

Oh yeah, i say. decide to put it on thick. Lot to keep up with around the house now that grandpa’s gone. Big shoes to fill 

Oh of course of course, says Mrs. Grabel. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help

Roy was a great man, he says in tone that implies i am not

after dinner go into garage, find rusted lawnmower & 12 pack of beers. conditions of bond state i cannot drink alcohol, but beer is barely alcohol. drink beer & take apart lawnmower til i pass out on garage floor

go outside, watch sunrise from porch. think about life, death, unending agony & ecstasy of it all. prone to profundity, that’s always been my problem

neighbor Gloria walking by w/ tiny poodle mix dog Rueben, white dog, rusty around the mouth, you know the kind i mean

why do old people get up so fucking early

Gloria moving so slowly even w/ walker, God i never want to get old. on 65th birthday will try smoking crack & if i like it will become crackhead & live on street & if i don’t will kill self. wave to Gloria who does not wave back, stupid old bitch, fuck you, walk around all day & get heat stroke for all i care, that’s why your kids probably never come & visit you, ancient cunt

go around to backyard, should water garden, didn’t water garden at all over weekend bc was in jail, grandpa’s strawberries probably dead, can’t do anything right, hate self, hate being so fucking stupid, head hurts, nauseous, drank too much yesterday night, bad start to morning, should just shoot self in head & get it over with

mud by garden is damp; maybe i watered yesterday & forgot about it

way too big for cat, wrong shape for gator. bobcat, maybe big dog. i take picture on phone

go inside, drink water from bathroom faucet til stomach hurts

2 choices, i say aloud to self in mirror: Buck up or bitch out

meds & 2 Adderall for breakfast. i enjoy stimulants bc they make everything urgent. feelings of mortality first noted when observing sunset return 10x & i become suddenly conscious of how many things could kill me at any given moment — man w/gun, man w/knife, man w/car, brain aneurysm, flesh eating bacteria, drug overdose, meteor, etc. by rights should be dead. every second stolen. body is a stolen car & i am on the run! must move fast, lest they catch me. much to do!

mop kitchen, make bed, draft outline for Oscar-winning coming of age movie, make another batch of sourdough starter & swear to self will feed it this time, watch more monkey & car crash videos but this time w/ more clarity of purpose

call from sister Aneka, w/ whom i have beef—frequently i am unaware of the beefs i have until long after they are over but not in this case as Aneka is incredibly fucking persistent as per having beef w/ me—today immediately gets on my ass about my startup: what exactly does it do, who is my target market, how will i generate revenue. difficult questions to ask as startup does not exist. when my grandfather Roy died about a month ago he left me & 2 sisters 250k each. sister Aneka used her money to buy 2 Inglewood properties predicted to increase 10x in value in coming years; sister Pearl used her money for round of IVF + to start college funds for 2 existing children; & i immediately lost all mine on crypto scam. very hard thing to admit to family who already believes you to be irredeemable fuckup, ergo, startup lie. i hang up on Aneka, text her and say 

My startup will design vertical farming systems that empower urban communities to cultivate fresh, local produce, minimizing food miles and enhancing sustainability, i read aloud to her

phone rings again; everyone fucking calling me today; it’s Mr. Grabel

Mr. Grabel, no preamble: have you seen Baby Doll around today?

She didn’t come back yesterday night. Ethel let her out after you left, you know, so she can get some fresh air, I always tell her not to with the gators and all but her memory, well, you know, you saw it with Roy, the way he got toward the end

Mr. Grabel: Yeah. But anyway. Give me a call if you see her

spend some time in front of bathroom mirror squeezing blackheads on face

HOA meeting tonight; court day after tmrw. banner week for occasions at which i have to look presentable. should pick out outfit now before Adderall wears off. all my clothing garbage (don’t think y2k “save the boobies” t shirt will endear either me to either HOA or Judge Snyder) so look thru grandpa’s closet. many old man suits, ties, bowler hat; maybe i should dress like grandpa, appeal to HOA that way, everyone liked grandpa

maybe this could be my thing, bowler hat guy, maybe i could reinvent myself around this hat, maybe grow mustache too, do whole Charlie Chaplin thing, reinvent life around whole Charlie Chaplain thing

open Hinge, send every new match skeleton line: “down to hang tonight?” doesn’t usually work but when it does it does, cuts the bullshit. can’t do romance rn, i break my own heart too much already

dickish thing to think, can’t stand myself sometimes

What an interesting hat! Gloria says. Reuben sniffs at spot next to welcome mat where i threw up last week after too many White Claws

Yeah I think it was, I found it in his closet

Well it suits you very well, says Gloria. I like it. I just wanted to stop by and wish you luck at the meeting tonight. Some of these old, you know how these old folks can be, but I like having you in the neighborhood, brings some life to the place, and it’s not like you’re throwing wild parties, you know. I’ll be voting in favor of keeping you here

Thank you, i say, Really, thank you, that means a lot

It’s the least I can do. Roy wanted you here, and we wouldn’t have this place without him. It’s the least we can all do, I think, or it should be

Thank you so much, seriously, that’s really nice to hear

Oh of course. Oh and I watered your strawberries while you were away over the weekend. You have to be careful, plants can fry out here if you aren’t careful

No problem at all. Let me know if you’re going away next time, I used to love gardening, when I lived in Maine my backyard was a little farm. Too hot for me here for all that but I can always handle a little watering

Definitely, i say, Yes, of course, thank you so much, and please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you out

she thanks me & asks if i want to say hi to Reuben; i do; his hand gets on my mouth & makes it wet & smell bad; say goodbye to Gloria

HOA meeting in an hour, need to get ready. Usually do not attend HOA meetings but this one important as it will in part revolve around if i can continue to live in Shady Acres; according to HOA bylaws you cannot buy home in Shady Acres unless you are over 65, which i am not. but i did not buy my house in Shady Acres. i inherited it from grandfather. so

take another Adderall so i’ll be on my toes, but then get anxious so take a Xanax, but then get sleepy so take a half of another Adderall & reach good equilibrium. keep on dress shirt, put on jeans, take off bowler hat. Shady Acres is horseshoe shaped, houses around the outside & what they call “the village” in the middle, little store, outdoor pool, tennis courts, that kind of thing. community center is next to tennis courts; i walk over a few minutes before 5

meeting in room 3, down hallway & past gym. room is full of old people & therefore smells like old people. on the board, sitting last supper-style facing the rest of us: Gloria, Mr. Grabel, man named Henry, woman named Katherine or Clara (can’t remember which), & the Board President, lesbian kind of lady who’s wearing one of those fuckass Newsies hats

in the audience: what must be everyone else who lives in the development which makes sense i guess cause what else do they have to do

I’d like to call this meeting of the board to order, says Board Pres. Rules of civility are in effect

then: boring shit, changes to recycling system, landscaping company, etc, i don’t care about this part & don’t want to write about it. i tune back in when I recognize Mr. Grabel’s voice:

Our cat Baby Doll’s been missing since yesterday night, he says. She’ll stay out a couple hours sometimes, but she’s always been by morning. That, on top of Miriam’s chihuahuas —

Peanut, says Miriam (lady with long gray hair sitting at front of room), and Princess

Yes, Peanut, says Mr. Grabel. Peanut and then Princess last week, well, there’s definitely something out there. And then Henry yesterday—Henry, do you want to tell everyone what happened?

Henry, heavyset dude who fought in Vietnam war (i know this bc Henry tells every single fucking person he meets he fought in Vietnam war) speaks

I let out Raoul a couple nights ago to do his business and I heard barking so I went to check on him and he was not in a good way. Something tried to take a chunk out of him, tore up his leg real bad. I had to take him to the emergency vet. And Raoul, he’s tough guy, retired police dog, you know. Bred and trained to hold his own in a fight. If he wasn’t I don’t know if he’d’a made it through

Did you see what did it? (man I don’t know, Asian or maybe Mexican, cane balanced across legs)

Rosalind Margulies

Rosalind Margulies

Fiction

Fall 2024 - Land

the maneater